Just as I was dealing with the emotions of having an empty nest, I was thrown a massive curveball; a potentially life changing one. My husband was in a motorcycle accident after an elderly lady pulled right out in front of him. His elbow was broken so badly, he was told that his arm might have to be amputated if the surgeons couldn’t repair it. Luckily they wired and plated it but he will probably never have full mobility in it again.

He also sustained a broken wrist and foot, all on the left side. He is not allowed to bear any weight on that side of his body for a minimum of six weeks! His recovery could take 6 months to a year and even then we don’t know whether there will be further ramifications. I have to give him daily injections for a fortnight, wash and dress him and make all his meals. And I have had to take on all jobs he used to do around the house and garden.

At the time of writing, only 5 days after he returned home, we both have Covid and there is no hot water or central heating!

Self care at times like these is challenging because of course, you’re in survival mode and you put the injured person first. But I know how important it is that I prioritise myself and I’ve certainly been doing my best.

In a crisis, when we are entirely in our heads, catastrophising about the future, grounding practices are vital. I’ve spent a lot of time in the kitchen as cooking grounds me, it allows me to be in the present and let go of ruminating thoughts about how we’re going to survive. Thankfully I read The Salt Path recently and the strength of Raynor and Moth Winn as they lost everything, including their home has given me courage.

Nature of course is top of my list! Although I haven’t been able to leave the farm, just picking beans from the vegetable garden or sitting in the garden as I am now, takes me to a happy place. Even better if I have bare feet! Feeling the sun on my face and the cold air on my skin is so nourishing.

Teaching was grounding, up until the moment I caught Covid! It allowed me to escape the house, even if only to the bottom of the garden! My body has been aching from running up and down stairs all day and of course my psoas muscles, those chiefly involved with the sympathetic, fight, flight, freeze response, have been gripping tightly. I know that after a few weeks, once I have made endless phone calls to organise appointments, hospital cars, equipment to help us cope in the house, spoken to the lawyer, recovered from Covid etc…, I will find more time for my own physical practice, but in the meantime, I am focusing on my breath. Noticing when it’s shifted into my chest and bringing it down to my belly in a slow, smooth, ocean like rhythmic wave , which gives me a focus and instantly calms me down.

There are times when focusing on the breath is impossible. At these times I find focusing on the body helps. Simply being aware of discomfort or ease, noticing the lightness or heaviness, listening to what my body is telling me, helps me stay connected and as we are always connected to the earth, this grounds me too. Doing a body scan or Yoga Nidra to check in with what I’m experiencing releases tension. I generally do this in bed to help me get to sleep, especially if my mind is busy. In the morning, I will check in and make small, gentle movements to ease me into the day. Feeling my feet on the ground is the first thing I do before getting up.

You might think my menopausal symptoms would be worse because of the stress, but in fact, because we are eating soups, stews and nourishing, anti-inflammatory foods and avoiding alcohol, they are better! Fewer hot flushes and better sleep. I’ve had to move bedrooms and my bed is directly under a window where I can feel the cold air on my face which I’m sure has helped too. Without a curtain, I have really enjoyed seeing the moon and stars last thing at night which not only connects me to the earth but to the universe too!

By journaling before bed, I write down not only the concerns and facts of the day, getting these thoughts out of my head, but also things I am grateful for such as the kindness and generosity of friends, family and students. This really helps me to stay positive and grounded.

I am a firm believer that these things happen to teach us lessons. I am fairly certain what some of those are but I am sure that more will arise as my husband and I go through this journey together. Now to persuade him to practice some of what I am engaging in. What do you do to cope when life throws you a curveball?